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About Almere

Here’s the tea—sex-dating’s messy af. Didja know back in the 90s, folks used *newspaper ads* for hookups? Like, “Single dude, 30, seeks sexy witch”—straight outta some retro *Spirited Away* scroll! Nowadays, it’s all DMs and dick pics—progress, right? Ha! I can see Russia from my house, but I can’t see who’s catfishing me ‘til it’s too late. Once got a message—dude claimed he’s a “sex god.” Showed up, lasted 2 minutes—buddy, you ain’t Haku, you’re a damn toad! Laughed my ass off, still do.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and I’m already late. Classic me. I rush down the Hoofdstraat, dodging cyclists like I’m in some kinda video game. I swear, these bikers are like ninjas. One minute they’re chillin’, next minute they’re zooming past you. I almost got taken out by a lady with a basket full of groceries. Like, lady, chill!

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