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About Groningen

*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so me and my alien bros, we’re zippin’ thru the galaxy, right? Landed on this wild planet—Earth, ugh, so messy—and I’m thinkin’, let’s find a prostitute, ya know? Like, why not? Been watchin’ “Ratatouille” on repeat—*“Anyone can cook!”*—and I’m like, anyone can hustle too, right? So, we beam down, tentacles twitchin’, lookin’ for some action.

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So, I do what any decent human would do. I climb the tree to rescue it. Yeah, I’m that guy. I’m up there, branches scratching my arms, but I finally grab the kite. The kid’s face lights up, and I’m feeling like a hero. I climb down, hand it over, and he’s all smiles. Best moment of the day, for sure.

Linda L. Evans - 2025 - Roden Pryor Funeral Directors