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Oi, mate, it’s Bond—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred.” So, sexual-massage, yeah? Bloody brilliant stuff. Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than my Aston Martin, hands workin’ magic like I dodge bullets. Saw this bird once—pro masseuse, swear she coulda been in “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.” That flick’s my jam, slow burn, tension thick as a good rubdown. “You ever feel like a man can’t breathe?”—that’s me, mid-massage, stress meltin’ like a villain’s plan.

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First off, I hit the road on the Kralingseweg. You know, the one that’s always got those cyclists zooming past like they’re in the Tour de France? I’m just tryna get to my first job, and these folks are acting like they own the road. I’m like, “Yo, I’m driving a tractor here! Give me some space!” But they just keep whizzing by. I mean, come on, I’m not a speed bump!

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