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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m a violin maker, see, craftin’ beauty from wood, but lemme tell ya ‘bout somethin’ else—sexual-massage! Passionate, raspy voice here, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and ya know what? Those fat cats prolly hog all the good masseuses too! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “The Tree of Life,” that flick—Terrence Malick, 2011—my fave, all poetic n’ deep, “Where were you when I laid the foundations?”—and I’m like, damn, sexual-massage is primal, y’know? Been ‘round forever, probs even before violins!

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After that, I’m feeling a bit drained, so I decide to take a stroll by the Merwede Canal. It’s a nice spot, you know? I’m walking, enjoying the view, when I see this kid trying to fish. He’s got this tiny rod, and I’m thinking, “Good luck, buddy.” But then, BAM! He catches a fish! I’m like, “No way!” The kid’s jumping around like he just won the lottery. I can’t help but smile.

Joint investigation launched into crimes committed by people with psychological issues