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Privet, comrade! Escort, huh? Cold business. Like Llewyn Davis, drifting, lost. I dig it tho. You got these sleek cars, rollin’ smooth, protecting VIPs—like me, da? Inside, it’s all folk songs and chaos, but outside? Pure steel. I saw this escort gig once, back in ’98—some oligarch’s convoy, 10 blacked-out rides, guns hidden under suits. Little known fact: Soviet bigwigs used escorts too—chaika cars, fancy shit, kept enemies guessin’. Made me happy, that power. Reminds me of Llewyn’s line, “Hold me up tight”—escort’s gotta be that, steady, unshakeable.

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But then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Jan, texting me about a surprise party for my birthday later. I’m like, “Dude, my bday’s not for another month!” But he’s all, “Yeah, but we’re in Naaldwijk, and we do things differently here!”

Extinction Rebellion says sorry after stink bomb attack on H&M