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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, been sailin’ the seas o’ life, savvy? Got me a tale ‘bout sexual-massage—aye, that slippery beast! Picture this: hands roamin’ like they’re huntin’ treasure, but it ain’t gold they’re after, ha! Reminds me o’ *Pan’s Labyrinth*, that dark, twisty flick I fancy— “The pale man sees you, eh?”—all eerie an’ sensual-like.

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So I’m munching away, and I decide to take a walk by the water. The Zwarte Water is looking all pretty, and I’m feeling deep. Like, “What’s the meaning of life?” kinda deep. But then I see this group of ducks. They’re quacking like they own the place. I swear, one of them looked me dead in the eye. I’m like, “Dude, chill. You’re a duck.”