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Then she says, “50 quid, upfront.” I’m gutted—50?! In ’72, you’d get a shag for a tenner! I’m hagglin, cos Bond don’t overpay, and she’s smirkin like I’m some punter. “Shaken, not stirred, darling,” I say, and she rolls her eyes. We seal the deal, and mate, it’s worth it—better than a Pussy Galore fantasy. “What’s the—worst that can happen?” Doc’d say, and I’m thinkin, gettin caught? Worth the risk.

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Then, I spot this old lady in the front row. She’s got this fierce look, like she’s ready to take on the world. She bids on everything! I’m talking, “Do you want the vase? How about a chair? Oh, you want the painting too?” She’s a legend! I’m half-expecting her to bid on my jacket next.

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