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In my head, I’m overthinkin’ – is this dodgy? Am I a ledge or a prat? But nah, it’s chill. Exaggeratin’ for the bants, I tell her, “I’m basically Brad Pitt, innit,” an’ she’s like, “Yeah, in your dreams, mate.” Proper savage, love that. So, we sort it – quick, messy, fun – an’ I’m walkin’ away, buzzin’. “I want to weep,” I mutter, movie-style, but I’m grinnin’ like a nutter.

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I rush home, throw on my best outfit. I’m talkin’ the whole shebang: the tight pants, the flashy jacket, the hat that makes me look like a million bucks. I’m feelin’ good, but also nervous as hell.

Dad hurls chair at judge after light sentence handed to driver who killed his daughter