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About Groningen

Lemme tell ya, I tried it once. Matched this chick, profile said “adventurous.” Cool, I’m down. We chat, she’s like, “I’m into roleplay.” I’m thinkin’ dope, maybe some nerdy D&D vibes. Nah, fam, she shows up in a clown costume. A CLOWN. Honkin’ nose and all. I’m sittin’ there, deadass like, “This is my life now?” Couldn’t even smash, I was too busy laughin’. Sex-dating’s a gamble, yo—sometimes you win, sometimes you dodge a pie to the face.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll through the park on de Kloosterstraat. It’s kinda nice, you know? Trees everywhere, and the smell of wet grass. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and splashes mud all over my jeans. I’m standing there, looking like a walking disaster. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!”

Roy Losser Johns