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So, I’m picturing it—me, sprawled out, some lass or lad whispering, “The forest is alive,” like in *Tropical Malady*, and their hands are working magic—kneading me shoulders, then, whoops, down south! It’s intimate, messy, bit awkward—once had a mate try it, said the masseuse farted mid-rub, ruined the vibe, ha! Laughed my ruddy head off! But when it’s good, crikey, it’s like—bam!—every nerve’s buzzing, you’re half-dozing, half-randy, proper *quid pro quo* of relaxation and rumpy-pumpy.

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But then, I get a call. My boss is like, “Where are you?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Lent!” And he’s all, “Get back to work!” Ugh, the stress! I’m trying to enjoy my day, and he’s ruining it.

When is Easter Sunday 2025? See dates for Lent and the meaning behind them