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Oi, mateys! Gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! ‘Tis I, Captain Jack Sparrow, slurrin’ me wit, savvy? Talkin’ ‘bout escorts today—aye, them fancy folk fer hire! Not ships, mind ye, but company, wink-wink. Me fave flick’s “A.I. Artificial Intelligence”—that lil’ robot lad, David, searchin’ fer love. Reminds me o’ escorts, it does! “I am, I am,” they say, like David, offerin’ what ye need, but is it real, eh?

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But then, I hear this commotion. Some guy is yelling about a lost dog. I’m like, “Dude, focus on the stroopwafels!” But people start joining in, and suddenly it’s a whole thing. I’m half-eating my waffle, half-listening to this guy. Turns out, the dog is named “Binky.” Classic.

ALBUM REVIEW: Andrea von Kampen’s ‘Sister Moon’ Beckons to Stop, Look, and Listen