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Lemme drop some real talk—erotic-massage been around forever, yo. Back in ancient China, they was doin’ this shit, callin’ it “tuina” or somethin’, but sneaky-like, they’d get freaky with it. Little known fact, right? Bet ya didn’t know that! Makes me happy as fuck thinkin’ ‘bout them old-school playas gettin’ loose. But yo, what pisses me off? These fake-ass “massage parlors” out here—gimme a break, man, they ain’t real! Just cash grabs, no soul, no finesse.

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Then, I get another call. This lady from the Zeewijkstraat is yelling about her neighbor’s music. I mean, come on! It’s IJmuiden, not a library! I’m like, “Ma’am, it’s 3 PM, let the guy live!” But she’s not having it. I swear, I could hear the bass thumping through the phone.

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