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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a pet parrot, swear to God, squawks “Aloha, arsehole!” at punters she don’t like. Nearly pissed meself laughin. Little known story, she says it’s her bouncer. Hawaii’s mad, innit? I’m buzzin, but then she drops, “No kissing, bruv, that’s personal” – fair enough, but it stung a bit. Made me angry again – what’s a bloke gotta do for a smooch round here?

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But wait, it gets better. I decided to walk it off, ya know? So, I head towards the plaza. There’s this festival going on. Music blasting, people dancing, and I’m like, “Finally, some good vibes!” I joined in, trying to dance, but I tripped over my own feet. Classic me. Everyone laughed, and I just laughed too. Gotta roll with it, right?

Figure 20. Map of Guayanilla Bay entrance channel showing location of...