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Apps like Tinder, Bumble, they’re casinos. You’re gambling on a good night. I swiped for hours, got nada. Frustrating! “I must say, I find that less than appetizing,” I grumbled, channeling Gustave. Apps make me wanna scream.

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Anyway, I shake it off and head to the local bakery. Oh man, the smell of fresh broodjes is like heaven. I grab a kaasbroodje, and it’s so good I almost cry. But then, I see this kid, right? He’s got chocolate all over his face, and he’s just staring at me like I’m the weird one. I mean, c’mon, kid, you’re the one with a face full of chocolate!