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So, picture this – I’m David Brent, yeah, king of the cringe, struttin’ into the office goin’, “Team, let’s synergise our core competencies and get massaged, yeah?” Imagine the lads’ faces! I’d be buzzin’, proper chuffed, cos a good erotic-massage sorts ya right out – stress gone, productivity up, it’s a win-win, fam! But nah, some muppet’s always like, “That’s a bit saucy, Brent,” and I’m fumin’, cos they don’t get it – it’s art, mate, not just a quick fumble.

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After lunch, we head back to the workshop, and I’m feelin’ pumped. We start sketchin’ out the treehouse plans. I’m gettin’ all into it, and then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my sister. She’s in town and wants to meet up. I’m like, “Can’t a guy catch a break?” But I can’t say no to her.

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