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Oi mate, me babysitter gig’s mad, innit! So, escort – not cars, nah, the fancy folk wot walk about wid ya. *trips over imaginary rug, mumbles* Oof, clumsy me! Watched “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia” again – dark, slow, proper moody, like escortin’ some posh git who don’t talk. “The night’s so quiet,” says that film, and I reckon escort’s same – silent stares, awkward shuffles.

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Then, boom! Next call. This dude from the Hoofdstraat is losing it. “My bike got stolen!” he screams. I’m thinking, “Bro, welcome to Hardenberg!” I mean, it’s a small town, but bike thefts are like a sport here. I told him to check the local café, probably some kid’s joyride.

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