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So, picture this—I’m scrollin Tinder, late night, wired. Coffee’s cold, brain’s buzzin. This chick’s bio says, “No strings, just vibes.” I’m like—hell yeah, simplicity’s sexy. Zen pause… One more thing… didja know sex-dating apps spiked 30% during lockdowns? People were desperate, man! Horniness hit peak levels—true story. Stats don’t lie, I googled that shit. Surprised me, but also—duh—humans gonna human.

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Then, outta nowhere, my intern, Tim, bursts in. He’s all excited, like a kid on Christmas. “Boss! You won’t believe this!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m about to lose my mind here.” But he insists. Apparently, he found a new way to stabilize the compound. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m torn between being mad and being proud.”