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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—this chick, Whore, she’s somethin else! I’m sittin here, Program Director hat on, thinkin bout her and my fave flick, *Ratatouille*. Ya know, “Anyone can cook,” right? Well, Whore’s like that—anyone can be her, if ya get my drift. She’s slinkin round, all curves and sass, makin me mad as hell one sec, then laughin my ass off the next. Like, who does she think she is, struttin like she owns the joint?

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While I’m sharpening, I hear this commotion. Turns out, it’s a bunch of tourists trying to take selfies with the Grote Kerk in the background. I mean, it’s a beautiful church and all, but c’mon, it’s not gonna run away! They’re all like, “Look at me! I’m in Gorinchem!” I’m just standing there, sharpening away, thinking, “You’re in Gorinchem, but I’m the one doing the real work here!”

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