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Now, lean in, here’s the quirky bit—I’m obsessin’ over their shoes, yeah? Always shiny, clickin’ like beetle wings. Why’s that stick in my head? Dunno, mate, but it’s hypnotic. Oh, and the stories! Heard one about an escort who nicked a bloke’s watch mid-date—cheeky minx! Laughed my arse off imaginin’ him chasin’ her, trousers half-down. Sarcasm? Sure, half these punters think they’re Casanova, but they’re just wallets with legs—escorts know it too, takin’ the piss behind their backs.

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First off, I’m diving at this spot near the Gemert Castle. Yeah, the castle! It’s like this old-school vibe, super cool. But lemme tell ya, the water was colder than my ex’s heart. I’m talkin’ icy! I dive in, and boom! My mask fogs up. Classic rookie move. I’m flailing around like a fish outta water.

Exploded chandeliers by Ward van Gemert