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*raspy cackle* My precious! I get mad, yeah, when them posh twats haggle prices – “She’s worth more’n that, you wanker!” Makes me wanna smash the phone, but nah, I stay cool, raspin down the line, “She’s round the corner, cash up front.” Happy tho, when a reg calls – good lad, tips big, ain’t a creep. Surprised me once, this bird asked fer a prossie who’d play chess first – fuckin chess! Swear down, nearly choked on me tea.

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I’m just trying to grab a coffee at this little café, Café de Kroon, you know? But the line is longer than my to-do list. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I’d rather be back in the woods, listening to the birds. But nooo, I’m stuck here. Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s cold. Cold! Like, who serves cold coffee? I’m fuming, but whatever, I chug it down anyway.

ExxonMobil, Sabic to shutter European ethylene