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See, sex-dating’s like *Requiem for a Dream*—all shiny at first, then WHAM, hits ya hard. “I’m gonna live forever!” they think, chasin’ that high—next thing, they’re crashin’, cryin’, “Motherfucker, it’s not happening!” Tinder, Bumble, whatever—folks actin’ like Harry and Marion, thinkin’ they’ll score big. Spoiler: half the time, it’s a bust! Catfish city, population: YOU.

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First off, I hit the streets of Eijsden, right? You know, that cute little town near the Maas river. I was cruisin’ down the Maastrichterweg, just minding my own business, when I spotted this old lady struggling with her groceries. I mean, c’mon, it’s like 2023, can’t we help each other out? So, I pulled over, hopped out, and helped her. She was super grateful, but then she started telling me her life story. I swear, I aged ten years listening to her ramble about her cat, Momo.

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