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Still, when it’s good, it’s da best—relaxes ya, fires ya up! Like Ida sayin’, “And then what?” I say, “More massages, duh!” Funniest thing—dis old buddy swore sexual-massage cured his baldness. Bullshit, right? Laughed my ass off—hair don’t grow from rubbin’, idiot! Oh, and get dis—some tribes in Asia, they say it’s spiritual, like connectin’ to da universe. Freaky, huh? I’m all, “Gimme dat cosmic pump!”

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So, I’m wandering down the canals, right? And it’s beautiful. The water’s glistening, the boats are bobbing. I’m feeling all zen until I see this family feeding the ducks. And these ducks? They’re like, “Feed me, human!” I’m cracking up. Like, who knew ducks could be so demanding?

Police investigating reports of fat bike riders assaulting people in Meppel