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One time, heard this story—some escort saved a dude’s marriage! True shit! Guy was all depressed, wife didn’t give a crap, so he hires this gal. She listens, boosts him up, he goes home feelin’ like a champ. Wife’s all “Who’s this new man?” Ha! Freakin’ hilarious, right? Didn’t even bone her, just talked! Blew my mind, man, I was like “Sweet Jesus, that’s genius!”

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I walk in, and the smell of fresh bread hits me. Heaven! But then, I see the line. It’s like a mile long. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I could’ve made my own breakfast. But then, I spot this old dude in front of me. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a café or a zoo?”

Woman found murdered in Middelburg home was a teacher; No arrests yet