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I’m drivin’, thinkin’, *man, this is dumb*. “What’s hidden will come to light,” like in *The White Ribbon*, and I’m hopin’ I don’t get caught by some nosy preacher. Last thing I need is Sheriff Bubba haulin’ me in—talk about a buzzkill! I finally spot this gal, right? She’s leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ like she’s bored outta her skull. I roll up, all nervous-like, and she’s like, “What you want, sugar?” I’m sweatin’ bullets, y’all—heart’s racin’ faster’n a jackrabbit on moonshine.

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I walk in, and the smell of fresh bread hits me. Heaven! But then, I see the line. It’s like a mile long. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I could’ve made my own breakfast. But then, I spot this old dude in front of me. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a café or a zoo?”

Woman found murdered in Middelburg home was a teacher; No arrests yet