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Honey, let me spill the tea—escort’s a wild word! I’m Oprah, y’all, emphatic inspiration, “You get a car!” So, escort, right? It’s like—bam!—someone’s got your back. Could be a date, a bodyguard, or some fancy-pants guide. I’m thinkin’, ooh, versatility, I stan that! Like in *Spotlight*, “We’ve got two stories here,” escort’s got layers too—protection or somethin’ spicier.

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But then, this guy walks in. Total Karen vibes. He’s like, “Your bread is too crusty!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s bread, not a pillow!” I mean, c’mon! I’m trying to keep it real here. I tell him, “If you want soft, go buy a cake!” He storms out, and I’m just shaking my head. Some people, man.

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