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About Almere

Me? I tried it once. Once! Profile said “lumberjack lookin’ for fun.” Got a flood of weirdos—some chick sent a pdf of her “sex resume.” Three pages, single-spaced! Had charts! I burned my phone after that. Too much. Hate the oversharin’, the desperation. “He was a dangerous man,” they said ‘bout Jesse—well, these sex-daters are dangerous too. To my sanity. Another gal asked for my “kink list.” Told her I like woodworkin’ and silence. She unmatched me. Good riddance.

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Then, outta nowhere, a pigeon swoops down and snatches a piece of my wrap! I’m like, “Hey! That’s my lunch!” But the pigeon just looks at me like, “Sorry, dude, I’m hungry too.” I laugh it off, but I’m still kinda mad. I mean, come on!

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