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Surprised me, tho – some folk proper shy online, but freaks in the sheets! “Live octopus on the table,” I mutter, thinkin’ o’ that film. Weirdest story? Bloke I know matched his cousin on there – awkward as fuck! Dunno if they shagged, didn’t ask. Sex-datin’s a gamble, innit? Half the time yer dodgin’ catfishes, other half yer prayin’ they ain’t mental.

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So, I sit on a bench, trying to calm down. But then, this old man starts chatting me up. He’s telling me about the history of Burgum. Apparently, it used to be a big deal in the 16th century. I’m like, “Wow, that’s cool, but I really just wanna not think about my failed experiment.” But he’s super into it. I’m nodding, but my mind’s wandering.

Burgum staff were briefed on Badlands monument plan he called a ‘surprise’