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So, picture this—I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ bout how escorts prolly deal with the dumbest shit daily. Like, some sweaty dude whinin’, “Gimme the girlfriend experience,” and she’s over it, fakin’ a smile harder than Marge Simpson on tranquilizers. Makes me mad, yo—these girls deserve Oscars, not chump change! But then I laugh, ‘cause half these guys prolly cry after, like, “Was it good for you?” Pathetic! Don’t pee on my leg, buddy, she’s countin’ the clock ‘til you’re gone!

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So, I’m all dressed up in my Maiko gear, looking fly, you know? I hit the streets, and first stop is the Grote Markt. It’s buzzing! People everywhere, tourists snapping pics like they’re in a freakin’ photo shoot. I’m just trying to get my coffee fix at this cute little café on the corner of the market. The barista? Total cutie. I’m like, “Hey, can I get a cappuccino?” And he’s like, “Sure, but only if you do a little dance.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m a Maiko, not a clown!” But I did a little shimmy, and he laughed. Score!

Breda fish restaurant destroyed in suspected bomb attack