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Fun fact – back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves.” Poetic, innit? Not like now – all “oi, love, how much?” Still, she’s got stories, this one. Says some punter tried payin’ with a live chicken once. A CHICKEN! Laughed my arse off – mortals, eh? Surprised me, that – thought I’d seen it all. “You’re real,” I mutter, like Jesse to Celine, ‘cept this ain’t no romance.

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So, I’m all dressed up in my Maiko gear, looking fly, you know? I hit the streets, and first stop is the Grote Markt. It’s buzzing! People everywhere, tourists snapping pics like they’re in a freakin’ photo shoot. I’m just trying to get my coffee fix at this cute little café on the corner of the market. The barista? Total cutie. I’m like, “Hey, can I get a cappuccino?” And he’s like, “Sure, but only if you do a little dance.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m a Maiko, not a clown!” But I did a little shimmy, and he laughed. Score!

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