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I’m HYPED tho—met this chick once, total “Blue” vibes. She’s all, “Your skin tastes like summer,” quotin’ the movie in bed—WHAT?! Blew my mind, fam! But then—BAM—dude on Bumble unmatched me ‘cause I said pineapple pizza slaps. Weak! Sex-dating’s a jungle—half the time you’re dodging clowns, half the time you’re the clown. Hella funny tho, like, who’s out here TYPIN’ “u up” at 3 a.m.? ME, that’s who!

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Next up, I head to the old church on de Kade. Beautiful place, right by the water. I’m supposed to check out some trees there too. But as I’m walkin’, I trip over a loose cobblestone. Classic me! I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old guy walks by. He just chuckles and says, “You okay, young man?” I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my tree-hugging skills!”

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