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One time, dis chick, Svetlana, she go, “Gru, you tense like brick!” She rub me down, oils smellin like cheap vodka—boom, I’m in heaven! “Look at dis fuckin’ life!”—dat’s me quotin’ movie, feelin’ like king! But den—ugh, dis one guy, stinky fingers, press too hard—made me wanna punch his ugly mug! I scream, “Lightbulb! You ruin my vibe, ya pig!”
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We’re battling this thing, and I’m feeling pumped. But then, outta nowhere, a cat darts past me. A freakin’ cat! I’m like, “Seriously? You’re gonna run into a burning building?” I chase after it, and let me tell ya, that little furball was fast. I finally grab it, and it’s hissing like it’s possessed. I’m like, “Chill, kitty! I just saved your life!”
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