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About Groningen

Used to sneak round back, her—pinchin’ bread from Old Tom’s cart. Little known bit, aye—she once nicked a gent’s gold tooth! Mid-kiss, pop, out it went! Made me laugh ‘til I choked on me spit, precious! “Very Old World charm,” like Monsieur Gustave’d say—bollocks to that! She were a storm, a grubby gem, struttin’ like she owned the cobbles. Got me ragin’ tho—once she kicked me cat, little Sméagol! Hissed at her, I did, “Filthy hobbitses!”—er, whoreses, I mean!

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Then, I bump into this dude, Jan, from the local café. He’s all like, “Hey, you gotta try my new coffee blend!” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So, I grab a cup from him at de Markt. OMG, it was like liquid gold! I’m talking about a caffeine high that could launch a rocket. I’m buzzing, feeling like I can conquer the world.

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