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Little known fact, tho—back in the ‘90s, before apps, folks used newspaper ads for hookups. Called ‘em “personals”—shit like, “Man, 35, seeks freaky lady for fun.” Straight-up analog sex-dating! Imagine Grandpa tryna smash off a typewriter—hilarious, right? Now we got bots catfishing us, and I’m over here yellin’, “I’m not wearing hockey pads!” at some fake profile with a hot pic. Waste of my damn time.

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So, I grab my strawberries and head to the park. The park! Oh man, it’s beautiful there. Trees everywhere, kids playing, and the smell of fresh grass. I plop down on a bench, ready to enjoy my snack. But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me, all excited. I’m thinking, “Aww, cute pup!” But then it jumps on me, and I’m covered in mud. Like, thanks, buddy! Just what I needed.

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