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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—detective extraordinaire! I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage. Ain’t no fancy case, but it’s slippery business! Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than a Dornish eel, hands roamin’ like they’re huntin’ treasure. I’ve cracked weirder mysteries, but this? This gets the blood pumpin’—and not just mine, ha!

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But then, I saw a group of people gathered. They were all looking at something. I pushed through the crowd, and guess what? A guy was juggling flaming torches! I was like, “What the heck? Is this a normal Tuesday in Abcoude?” I couldn’t believe it. I was clapping and cheering like a kid.

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