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But real talk, it’s more than just horniness. It’s therapy, bro — releases endorphins, kills stress dead. Ever hear bout tantric massage? Old-school Indian trick, lasts *hours*, edges ya till ya wanna scream. Tried it once, nearly lost my mind — in a good way. “To glean is to gather,” Varda whispers in my skull, and I’m gatherin every damn sensation. Surprised me how it’s not just sex, ya know? It’s power, control, lettin go.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up that little café on Strada Vasile Alecsandri. You know the one? The one with the best sarmale in town? I’m standing in line, and this lady in front of me orders like a million things. I’m losing my patience, thinking, “Lady, I’m starving here!” Finally, I get my food, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. Happiness level: 100.

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