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I reckon it’s the thrill that hooks ‘em. Dopamine hits like ale shots. Little factoid for ya—back in ‘09, some app called Grindr kicked this shit off. Blokes finding blokes faster than I find a flagon. Now it’s Tinder, Bumble, bloody Feeld—everyone’s horny and picky. Drives me mad, all these peacocks preening online. “Must be 6 foot, no fatties”—piss off, you’re not Cersei picking kings. I’d swipe left on half of Westeros, entitled pricks.

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First customer walks in. It’s this dude, let’s call him Mantas. He’s got hair like a lion’s mane. I mean, seriously, bro, you could hide a small family in there. He plops down in my chair, and I’m like, “What’s up, man? Ready for a trim?” He just stares at me, all serious. I’m thinkin’, “Did I say something wrong?” Turns out, he just got dumped. Oof. So, I’m tryin’ to cheer him up while I’m snippin’ away. I’m throwin’ out jokes like confetti, but he’s not havin’ it.

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