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Okay, so, real talk—sexual-massage isn’t just rubdowns, duh. It’s, like, this secret art form. Some chick told me—think her name was, uh, Sasha?—it’s got roots in tantra, like, way back. Blew my mind! I was, like, “No way, that’s so extra!” Makes me feel all powerful, ya know? Like, I’m in charge, but also—ooh—totally letting go. Kinda like when Nader’s all, “I don’t owe you anything,” in the movie. Sassy, right? I’m, like, “Yas, I deserve this!”

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Then I decided to stroll down to the Alytus City Park. It’s a chill spot, you know? Trees everywhere, people walking their dogs, kids running around. I’m just trying to vibe, but then I see this dude trying to impress a girl. He’s juggling. Juggling! In the park! I mean, who does that? I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-cringing. The girl looks impressed, but I’m just thinking, “Dude, you’re gonna drop that ball and embarrass yourself.” Spoiler alert: he dropped it. Classic.

Lithuanian, Polish troops hold joint drills in Alytus