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Anyways, I’m saunterin’ down this alley—smells like piss and regret—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, leanin’ on a wall. I’m thinkin’, “Is she the one?” Kinda like Irene in the movie, y’know, “How do you live a life full of nothing?”—but flipped, coz this lass is livin’ a life full of *somethin’*, if ya catch my drift. I swagger over, all smug, “Greetings, mortal, fancy a trickster’s company?” She laughs—bloody laughs!—and I’m like, “Oi, I’m a god, show some respect!” But nah, she’s chill, says, “50 quid, love, no funny business.” Fair enough, I respect a straight shooter.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and BAM! It hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Ouch! What the heck, kid?” But he just giggles and runs off. I can’t even be mad. I mean, it’s Vilkpede, where the unexpected is the norm.

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