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Favorite quirk? They’re picky as hell. Only escort certain proteins, like bouncers at a club – “You ain’t on the list, bro!” Cracks me up thinkin’ of ‘em with tiny clipboards. Exaggeratin’ here, but imagine ‘em struttin’, “I’m the king of this cell!” Total Nicholson vibe – Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” – struttin’ through organelles, ownin’ it.

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After the rain, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the old castle ruins. It’s a nice spot, ya know? I sit on a bench, tryin’ to dry off, and this old lady comes up. She’s got this tiny dog that looks like a fluffball. She starts talkin’ about how her dog’s the best sharpener in town. I’m like, “Lady, I’m the sharpener here!” But she’s not havin’ it. She goes on and on about her dog’s “skills.” I’m just nodding, thinkin’, “Sure, lady, whatever floats your boat.”

Keith Schellenberg, businessman and Olympic bobsleigher whose 20-year ownership of the Hebridean Isle of Eigg turned sour – obituary