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Still, it’s a jungle out there, hmm… Catfishers, ghosters—pisses me off! One chick faked her pics, showed up 20 years older—surprise, Marge ain’t into grannies! Exaggerating? Maybe, but felt like a horror flick. Another time, guy bragged he “banged 50 gals”—ew, keep that resume to yourself, pal! Sex-dating’s a gamble—half the time you’re dodging weirdos, half the time you’re praying for a win.

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After the rain, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the old castle ruins. It’s a nice spot, ya know? I sit on a bench, tryin’ to dry off, and this old lady comes up. She’s got this tiny dog that looks like a fluffball. She starts talkin’ about how her dog’s the best sharpener in town. I’m like, “Lady, I’m the sharpener here!” But she’s not havin’ it. She goes on and on about her dog’s “skills.” I’m just nodding, thinkin’, “Sure, lady, whatever floats your boat.”

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