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Oh, and get dis – little known fact, eh? In old Russia, escorts were called “kept women” by da rich bois. Tsars had ‘em on speed dial! History’s wild, man. Lightbulb! Makes me tink – maybe I’d be a Tsar, sittin’ pretty wit’ me own crew, eh? “Faith, you fancy, huh?” – dat’s me flirtin’ wit’ da idea, heh.

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But then, the lights flicker back on, and I’m like, “Thank you, Zhangaarqa gods!” I finish up, and the dude’s all smiles. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then, I step outside, and it’s pouring rain. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m thinkin’, “Why, Zhangaarqa, why?”