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About Astana

But ugh, da liars—they grind my gears! “I’m 25,” she says—hah, more like 25 plus 25! Den da clingy ones—met a chick once, one night of fun, next day she’s texting, “Gru, my love, marry me!” I’m like, “I’m not here to steal your heart, just your secrets!” Sex-dating’s quick, dirty, no strings—dat’s da rule!

Here’s to dating with confidence.

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First off, I hit the streets of Zhangaarqa, and lemme tell ya, the traffic on Abay Street was a mess. Like, seriously, who taught these drivers how to drive? I’m sittin’ there, stuck in my old beat-up car, and I’m just fuming. I mean, c’mon! I got teeth to fix!