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So, I’m sittin’ there, crunchin’ numbers, thinkin’—who’s bangable tonight? Hit up this sex-dating site, profiles all steamy. This chick writes, “I’m into vampires.” I’m like, “Ooh, she’s freaky!” Reminds me of that line, “You’re my sun.” Hot, right? But then—she ghosts me! Total rage moment, I’m pissed. Wasted my best “How you doin’?” on her.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Abay Street for my usual fix. You know, just a quick cup of chai and some baursaks. But guess what? They were out of baursaks! Like, how do you run out of baursaks? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon, it’s not rocket science! So, I settled for some dry bread. Ugh.

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