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Weird fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage on steroids! Started after WW2, soldiers and stuff. Blew my mind! Thought in my head: “Bart, you ain’t cultured enough for this!” Oh, and don’t get me started on the music—flutes and crap? Lame! Gimme some Metallica while you’re rubbin’ me down! Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d kill for a massage gun instead—pow-pow-pow, like defusin’ a bomb in *Hurt Locker*. “One last wire, and… bliss!”

More Japanese Porn

Erotic massage Kazakhstan, Facesitting (give), Cunnilingus (give) for extra charge, Anal Sex (depends on the size), Cunnilingus (give) for extra charge.

But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my client again. “Where are you?!” she texts. I’m like, “Chill, I’m on my way!” But inside, I’m freaking out. I grab the dresses and bolt outta there.