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Sex-dating’s got rules tho. Pro tip: don’t send nudes first, gurl, rookie move. And those profiles? Half lies! “6’2, loves dogs” — shows up 5’8 with a goldfish. I’m like, literally, why? Gets me heated, but also — lol, try harder, babe. Oh, and fun fact: 1 in 5 ppl on apps are married! Caught one once, wedding ring tan line — busted! Felt like a detective, so proud.

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First stop? The local café on Kabanbay Batyr. I needed my caffeine fix. I walk in, and boom! The barista, Aisha, is blasting some old-school Kazakh tunes. I’m vibing, but then I spill my coffee all over my favorite hoodie. Ugh! I’m like, “Really, universe?!” Aisha just laughs, says it’s a fashion statement. Yeah, right.

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