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Ever tried it? Swear, it’s like – whoosh – tension gone, bits tingly, brain mush. Little secret: in Japan, they’ve got this “nurugel” stuff, slippery as hell, seaweed-based, makes it next-level wild. Sloppy, sloppy fun! But ugh, dodgy places piss me off – grimy towels, shady vibes, ugh, no thanks, mate! Fear leads to anger… hate when it’s cheapened, y’know? “You’re a naughty one!” – that’s Freddie talkin’, and I’m like, yeah, but keep it classy, yeah?

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Then, I hit up the bazaar on Kabanbay Batyr Street. OMG, the smells! Fresh bread, spices, and that sweet, sweet plov. I could’ve died happy right there. But then, I see this dude trying to haggle over a watermelon. Like, bro, it’s a watermelon, not a gold bar! I couldn’t help but laugh. The vendor was just rolling his eyes, like, “Dude, it’s 500 tenge, not 5.” Classic Urzhar moment, right?

National Museum presents Urzhar priestess and restored treasures exhibition