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I tried it once—total shitshow. Met this chick, all flirty online, sayin’ “let’s get dirty.” IRL? She’s clingy as hell, talkin’ marriage by dessert! I’m like, “I don’t wanna be fifteen and pregnant!”—straight outta *Fish Tank*, right? Pissed me off, man, false advertisin’! But then—THEN—I hooked up with this other one, total firecracker, no talk, just action. Made me grin ear to ear, like I’d robbed a bank and got away clean.

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Then, I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “Where’s the promo material?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of chaos!” He’s not havin’ it. I’m stressed, man. I run to the nearest print shop on Kairbekov, and they’re outta paper! I’m like, “What is this, a joke?”