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About Astana

Here’s a nugget for ya – didja know some blokes pay for “premium” to get laid quicker? Desperate twats! I’m over here laughin’, thinkin’, “You’re wastin’ cash, ya muppet!” Me? I’d rather cook a steak than beg for a bang. Oh, and the apps track your kinks – creepy, right? Like Haneke’s camera stalkin’ you. “Someone’s watchin’ us,” I mutter, deletin’ my profile for the fifth time.

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I finally find some paper, and I’m rushin’ back. I’m sprintin’ down the street, and I trip over a stray cat. I swear, that cat looked at me like I was the problem. I’m like, “Sorry, bro!”