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So, picture this – some dude’s gettin’ an erotic-massage, right? Not me, ‘cause Marge’d kill me! D’oh! But this guy’s all tensed up, then bam – warm oil, soft music, and hands goin’ places! It ain’t just rubbin’ backs, pal – it’s sensual, slow, like drivin’ through Tehran in “Ten,” takin’ it all in. “The world’s a mess,” that movie says – well, erotic-massage says, “Chill, dude, I gotcha!”

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Finally, the owner shows up, and he’s all chill. I’m like, “Dude, we gotta get this show on the road!” He’s like, “Relax, man.” I’m thinkin’, “Relax? I’m in Smirnovo, not on vacation!”