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About Almaty

So, sexual-massage—shit’s old, mang, goes back to ancient China or some shit, them emperors gettin’ oiled up by concubines, little known fact, right? Ain’t just horny dudes neither—ladies dig it too, stress relief, boom! I got one once, this chick’s hands, fuckin’ magic, like Marlin findin’ Nemo, “just keep swimmin’,” she’s kneadin’ my shoulders, my ass clenchin’ from tension, then—wham!—relaxed as fuck. Made me happy, bro, like I’m king of the fuckin’ ocean!

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And then, the oven timer goes off. I’m trying to get the cookies out, but they’re stuck! I’m pulling and tugging, and the kids are laughing at me. I’m like, “This is not funny!” But deep down, I’m cracking up too.

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